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Featured Articles

November Potato

November Named General Awareness Month

by Mary Beth Schatzman Monthly Mediator Novemeber 2014 In response to the “November Fifth Phenomenon,” – in which the call to “remember the fifth of November” causes some to forget the rest of the month altogether – some suggest that the many month-long awareness campaigns held in November will help the ordinary person to recall […]

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God on a First Date

by Patrick Valentine Clerical Cupid February 2015 Girl: This place is nice. How’d you hear about it? God: I made the manager. Waiter: Cocktails? God: Oh, no thank you. Girl: You don’t drink? God: No. I used to, but one time I was making humans and got a little sloppy drunk and I… Have you […]

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America’s Next Top Survival Chef Heralds New Age of Reality Television

by Mary Beth Schatzman Reality Raconteur February 2015 On February 10, NBC welcomed a new reality show to its weekday lineup: America’s Next Top Survival Chef. The production, headed by Tyra Banks and Gordon Ramsay, follows a group of fifteen models as they try to make it big on a deserted island. The contestants will […]

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Conseco’s Steroid Gunshot Injection a Failure

by Brandon Smith ‘Roid Rage Wrangler November 2014 Several trusted sources have told Slant Sportsball that the recent Jose Conseco self-injury via gunshot was actually the 6-time All-Star’s desperate attempt to inject himself with anabolic steroids. Years of shooting illegal substances into his body has made his veins hard and very difficult to inject into. […]

Man Spends Half of Movie Trying to Figure out Name of Featured Actress

by Bonhwang Koo Film ‘Ficionado November 2014 At a recent showing of the blockbuster hit Nightcrawler, Alex Terrell spent half the film trying to figure out the name of the actress who portrayed Linda, a minor character. “He kept tapping people around him, asking who the blond actress was, and what other movies or shows […]

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Slanted Recipe: Irish Jack-O’-Lantern

For The Basic Bitch Pre-Game 1 Grande Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL) 4 oz Pumpkin Schnapps 2 oz Fireball Candy Corn Vodka-Soaked Candy Corn Whipped Cream Bailey’s Irish Cream 1. Pour the PSL into two separate glasses. 2. Question life decisions. 3. Ask why the hell you had the thought to soak candy corn in […]

nattylight

The Natty Light Can

by Mary Beth Schatzman October 2014 so much relies on a silver Natty can glazed in rain water surrounded by white girls.

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