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Featured Articles

Yes-m

Progressive Rock Band Yes Fielding Registration Questions

By Grant Paton Yesterday, 1970s progressive-rock band Yes announced that although they are not affiliated with Vanderbilt University, they will continue attempting to assist students with the registration process. “We started getting a lot of traffic on our website asking about things like Calculus 155B and Organic Chemistry recitation sections,” explained bass guitarist and founding […]

Portrait

U.S. Politicians Promise Dealings in Middle East “Not Like Vietnam”

By Mary Beth Schatzman Earlier this week, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest released a statement from the Obama administration that promised that “This Middle East business is not going to be like Vietnam. Seriously.” This declaration came in response to public criticism that the fear of terrorism, like the fear of communism in the […]

BREAKING: Tommy’s Family Maybe Poor

By Almaz Mesghina According to recent reports from close sources, Tommy’s family may be impoverished. “Yeah, Tommy’s family is definitely poor,” began fellow 7-year-old Aiden, who was the first in his class to notice the decline in Tommy’s family’s financial standing. “He always wears the same shoes every day,” Aiden said, “and he never gives […]

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