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Featured Articles

Local Conservatives Admit That They May Hate ISIS and Ebola More Than Obama

by Asad Pabani Partisan Pundit November 2014 In the immediate aftermath of the midterms, a local chair of the Tea Party admitted in an exclusive interview with The Slant that ISIS and Ebola may be a bigger threat to the United States than President Barack Obama. “I really thought there could be nothing worse for […]

OpenLetterMom

Sorry Mom for Being a Shitty Kid

by Holly Therrell Contrite Correspondent February 2015 I’m sorry for all the times I punched your son when we were children. I can assure you he hit me first every time, but I know a mother’s worry is blind to such facts. I’m sorry for calling him a “momma’s boy” because he refused to eat […]

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Local Kid Wants To Be Obese When He Gets Big

by Sarah Vollman Health Herald November 2014 Local ten-year-old and avid video gamer, Timothy Sanders, desperately wants to be obese when he gets big. “By the time I’m an adult, I hope to be as big as possible,” Timothy informed The Slant. Every time his parents and teachers ask him what he wants to be […]

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God on a First Date

by Patrick Valentine Clerical Cupid February 2015 Girl: This place is nice. How’d you hear about it? God: I made the manager. Waiter: Cocktails? God: Oh, no thank you. Girl: You don’t drink? God: No. I used to, but one time I was making humans and got a little sloppy drunk and I… Have you […]

ChristianCouple

Christian Couple Waiting Until They Abandon Their Religious Beliefs to Have Sex

by Scott Rogers Religious Rascal October 2014 Due to their deep commitment to purity and decency in the eyes of the Lord, Vanderbilt Christian couple Ezra Morgan and Genevieve Simmons have decided that they will wait to have sex until they have completely abandoned all of their religious beliefs. “We just sat down and decided […]

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Vanderbilt Hires Nuns as Part of New Escort Service

by Jackson Parker Pious Peripatetic November 2014 In a recent effort to increase safety for students on their walks to and from residential halls and evening activities, Vanderbilt administration is working to implement a new transportation initiative involving Nashville nuns serving as walking escorts. Often times, students feel either too nervous or too incapacitated to […]

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Bastard Confession

Collins starred in the hit ABC family series 7th Heaven. “Do you see this guy’s face? We really should have seen that coming.” -Stephen Collin’s Agent  

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