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Featured Articles

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Bastard Confession

Collins starred in the hit ABC family series 7th Heaven. “Do you see this guy’s face? We really should have seen that coming.” -Stephen Collin’s Agent  

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U.S. Politicians Promise Dealings in Middle East “Not Like Vietnam”

By Mary Beth Schatzman Military Model October 2014 Earlier this week, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest released a statement from the Obama administration that promised that “This Middle East business is not going to be like Vietnam. Seriously.” This declaration came in response to public criticism that the fear of terrorism, like the fear […]

Text Attack

by Gossip Squirrel February 2015 When your Valentine won’t text you back She broke up with you over Yik Yak I’ll take her place Give you an embrace That is, until I attack

Easy-mandias

by Scott Rogers October 2014 I met a hottie from an antique land Who said: “I know this guy who loves to bone Regardless of the girl. Near him, all around, Half-drunk, random floozies lie, whose frown And wrinkled clothing, and sneer of reluctant regret, Tell that their suitor was not that great in bed. […]

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Streisand To Advise Muslim Terrorists On Censorship

by Aidan Moretti Alternate Arnold January 2015 Following a battery of threats and attacks on organizations who satirize Islamic extremism, Bar-bara Streisand has volunteered to consult with jihadists around the globe on how best to sup-press free expression. The bestselling singer-songwriter and actress released an official statement on Friday. “These ruthless terrorists just want what […]

Obama Excited About New Drone Possibilities

by AJ Ballway Amateur Auteur January 2015 The White House released a statement early Wednesday morning stating it was planning on expanding the military’s drone program after the release of “Drone Boning,” a porno released by a New York-based company Ghost and Cow Films. “I believe this piece of All-American art presents a great opportunity […]

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Tales from an Alternate Timeline: Ronald Reggae

by Grant Paton Alternate Arnold November 2014 The Slant takes pride in delivering you the most up-to-date and accurate information the universe has to offer, but what about other universes? Due to our incredible journalistic power, we have some alternative reports for you. 1948 – Actor Ronald Reagan accepts a role in the movie “Kingston”, […]

It’s Not that Hard to Whisper

by Roshan Poudel November 2014 Lights are dimmed. It is time to start, Me and my buddy Are just a seat apart. The professor begins, We follow his chalk. We follow his moves, We follow his talk. My friend turns to me, He has something to say. I know it is coming, There’s no other […]

‘Twas the night ‘fore Black Friday

by Alex Wolfe November 2014 ‘Twas the night ‘fore Black Friday, and outside the store ‘Twas a large mob of people trying to beat down the door. The deals were hung up round the store with great care, In the hopes that soon all the walls would be bare. The shoppers were wishing they’d stayed […]

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