by Roshan Poudel November 2014 Lights are dimmed. It is time to start, Me and my buddy Are just a seat apart. The professor begins, We follow his chalk. We follow his moves, We follow his talk. My friend turns to me, He has something to say. I know it is coming, There’s no other […]
by James Cross Predictive Prick November 2014 The Future claims science fiction writers have been defiling his reputation for decades. Below is a letter The Future sent to one of these writers. Dear (REDACTED), I do not appreciate your gross, inaccurate overgeneralizations of me in (TITLE REDACTED). I have been consistently misrepresented in countless “post-apocalyptic” […]
by Alex Wolfe Comeback Queen November 2014 According to investigative reports, accountant Robert Montgomery has apparently finally thought of a winning comeback to an argument from 3rd grade. Now 23 years old, Montgomery has spent most of his life try to think of a response to the “major burn” he endured during this highly formative […]
“Those girls were ugly as hell. Big mistake asking them to come on stage.” -The Chainsmokers
Roshan Poudel February 2015 After meeting Carrie Dunham at a mutual friend’s party, Michael Dillon is convinced she will one day make a great ex-girlfriend. “I was kind of hesitant to talk to her at first because it’s only been about two months since me and Stacy broke up,” said Michael. “But as soon as […]
Colorado inhabitants are raising their joints to the heavens in honor of this perceived advancement for potheads everywhere.
by Almaz Mesghina Ingredients: 2 large chicken breasts 1 tablespoon olive oil A hint of betrayal 1 onion, thinly sliced 1 cup, half empty 3/4 cup grape tomatoes, halved A couple of suspicious Facebook photos 2 potatoes, cut into even wedges A handful of spinach leaves 1 wedding, called off Salt and pepper to taste […]
by Brandon Smith Cartoon Connoisseur October 2014 Thanks to the overwhelming success of The Simpsons Guy, which was Family Guy’s most watched episode since 2010, FOX has announced plans for a new crossover, entitled Smashtacular Squared. 20th Century FOX applauded the announcement, calling it “one of the most ambitious projects in the history of television.” […]